Khana's Story- Battle Scars

Asian woman posing in front of camera

I grew up with my parents who are both talented choreographers. I’ve seen how passionate they are and how confident they were while performing in different places. Ever since I was a kid, I loved performing just like my parents. At the age of 6, I started dreaming of becoming a model, and a beauty queen. Like many others, as I grew older, I faced many challenges to achieve my dream.

When I hit 13, I knew I’d never become a model someday because of my height, but it didn’t stop me. I still pose, walk, or even dress like a model.

I had my first beauty pageant when I was 18. I was so young and that time I thought could make it. I thought I knew everything I needed to know. I was really confident about putting myself out there in front of hundreds of people I do not even know.

The pageant coronation day was held at JFD Stadium on December 06, 2018. Days before, we had many practices and tutorials on how to walk, how to pose, and even how to manage ourselves when we speak in front of a lot of people. I got to compete with 8 other amazingly beautiful women, and each of us wholeheartedly represented our own courses. I've had so many bonding moments with them that made me realise, not all the competitions are about competing, it's more about making friends and having fun. We all did our best to make our teachers and classmates proud, everybody on campus was very supportive. Even though I didn't make it to the Top 4, I was still very grateful to win the "Best in Talent" award which I received a sash and a certificate.

 Asian woman model

Above photo: Khana walking down the catwalk at the beauty pageant

There was probably a little disappointment for myself but there was no hard feelings for me not being able to win a crown. Maybe it's because I got used to it already, I had joined many contests over the past years and it has taught me how to accept success and failures. Reminding myself how important it is to accept whatever happens in the competition is one of the best things I did.

 

Days after the pageant, I wondered why I did not win. I thought of never stepping back into the pageant world again. The sad memories of the days when I got bullied for having a keloid in my right arm started to resurface. I was only 3 years old when an accident happened and it caused a keloid on my right arm. Other kids would tease me or use it against me, while other adults would ask me questions about the keloid that makes me feel so uncomfortable. I cried over this many times, and most of the time I would just have myself to comfort me whenever I feel so ashamed and sad for having this scar. As the time goes by, I just got used to being teased, to the point that what people thinks about my scar doesn't even hurt me anymore. I guess I should just say it made me stronger and more confident than ever.

 

Few years ago, I woke up and told myself I do not want others to feel the way I felt before. I do not want them to feel ashamed of their skin, of their face, of their imperfections, or whatever their insecurities are. That is when I decided to use my experience and story to empower others.

Seeing celebrities and vloggers show massive support to anti body shaming campaign motivated me also to do the same for others. With all the support and experiences I've had, I feel more confident.

 Asian woman wearing floral outfit

Above photo: Khana is a gorgeous floral outfit

It would mean the world to me if I hear some people talk about how they are so inspired of my story. Inspiring people is probably one of my purposes why I am here. If you're reading this, just always do better, have fun, be kind, be strong and never put yourself down because the only person who will fight for yourself aside from God, is you. 

 

I am very blessed to be connected with powerful, grateful, and blessed people who have different advocacies in life. Advocacies that are not only for a show, but advocacies for the real world. I began to love myself wholeheartedly, I began to absolutely inhale my own energy, and produce goodness and creativity to others. Most of my beliefs, my knowledge, my creativity, were all inspired by the great people around me. And I would be very happy if hopefully one day, someone would look up to me just like how I looked up to people that moulded me to be a better and confident person I am today.

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